All children should be aware of these seven words. (Thanks Nat.)

Movie Show #11 is up - me and Cam chatting about Shaun of the Dead and 28 Days Later. Go download!

So, you've seen the trailer, you've read the (admittedly crap) blog, now at last you can watch the film! Nothing Travels Faster Than Bad News is finally available online for your delight and delectation. It's about 125 meg, in WMV format, and available as a bit torrent (note: there are other bit.torrent clients available).

You can download the torrent from boinkor.net (thank you Andreas!) using any bit torrent client.




We know the sound is a bit pants in places, and we know that some of the acting is a bit pants in places, so all we can do is beg your indulgence and point out that we made this on a budget of precisely no quid whatsoever with a cast and crew of friends who happened to be kicking around at the time.

The film is released under a Creative Commons Attribution, Non-Commercial, No Derivative Works licence, but if you do want to do something with it that's not covered by the licence please email me and tell me what you're thinking of (especially if what you're thinking of involves re-encoding in different formats). If you want to mirror it, please do! Email me a link and I'll add it to this post.

Props to everyone who helped out, it would have been a very, very short film without you. Thank you.

Next stop: the festival circuit.

Last week, I was chuffed as a small horse to be given the opportunity to talk to Nick Frost for The Podcast Network's Movie Show, and finally the interview is available for your delectation.

Apologies for the slightly crappy sound quality, especially to begin with - Skype was playing us up something chronic. To ameliorate the problem, I recommend listening under your bedsheets late at night with a torch in hand, in homage to the olden days when we used to pretend to be asleep whilst actually tuning in to obscure AM radio stations. Well, cool people did. I was too busy reading Asimov.

You may remember that last year I showed a little bit of interest in a British zombie flick called Shaun of the Dead, so it probably won't surprise you to hear that when my mates Ewan and Cameron asked me if I wanted to help them interview Nick Frost for The Podcast Network's Movie Show I had to think long and hard about whether to accept or not. Long. And hard. Oh, yes.

So, to cut a 1 hr 22 min story short, this morning I spent a very happy hour and a half talking to Nick and Ewan, (Cam had to bail for technical reasons), about everything from how pantwettingly scary it was for him to go from being a waiter to a real proper actor on Spaced, to how pantwettingly terrifying dying on your arse in front of 200 people when you're trying to be a stand-up comic is, to shaved bollocks. We did cover a few non-crotch related issues to, but I don't want to spoil the show for you.

Nick was a delight to talk to, and an absolute darling the whole way through, even when we were having a few problems getting the technology to behave - it was a telephone/Skype combination, and getting the levels right was a pig, if Ewan's muttering was anything to go by.

We have to do some jiggery-pokery with the audio before we broadcast, but the show should be up soon. (Well, I say 'we', I mean 'Cameron'. He who gets most turkey gets most string.) I'll post a link when it's up.

So, huge thanks to Nick! Sir, you are a star!

Constantine is XFM's Film of the Month, so I'm not the only one who thought it wasn't completely pants. Only a matter of days now before I get to go see it again and see how it stands up to a second viewing.

The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Just read a few of the posts on Query Letters I Love, and suddenly all will become clear. If you had to do this for a living, how would you resist the desire to poke your own eyes out? (Thanks Maciej.)

John Constantine: Hellblazer. Tall, blond Brit with an attitude you could strike matches off. My first comicbook antihero crush.

Keanu Reeves: Actor. Not so tall, not so blond American with an attitude that confuses people. My secret, shameful crush.

On the face of it, the latter is not a good match to portray the former, so I was pretty much expecting Constantine to suck. Suck arse, in fact. But, you know, I do think Keanu is frequently unfairly maligned, so when I got the chance to go see Constantine in Vancouver I thought I'd give it a go. I mean, you never know, right? And maybe it was going in with such low expectations, but I really enjoyed it.

Now, before I go any further, I want to say that I am a fan of Hellblazer - Jamie Delano and Garth Ellis created one of my favourite characters in JC. I also hate seeing comic books murdered - I would rather Neil Gaiman's Sandman never see the light of day as a movie than be mangled by studios who don't get it. But, unlike Hellboy last year which slipped over to the wrong side of the getting it line with a weak plot, overly protracted fight scenes and characters in whom it was hard to invest, Constantine manages to stay roughly true to the JC mythos, create a compelling plot and characters you feel for, and doesn't get swamped by excessive fight scenes or too much CGI.

As a surly, sarcastic occultist with a sick sense of humour and no respect for anyone, Keanu does really well. I even managed to gloss over the fact that it was him for a while, although I never really quite got to the point of seeing him as JC, but that's because I'm so used to JC being tall, blond and, as I may have mentioned already, British. Yet I don't think that people new to Hellblazer will have any trouble in seeing Keanu as JC, nor in translating the screen version into the comic version - it's easier to do it that way round after all. (And I'm guessing that the majority of people who go to see Constantine will not, in fact, be Hellblazer fanboys.)

Tilda Swinton is brilliant as the androgynous angel Gabriel, matching the similarly androgynous Gavin Rossdale as the demon Balthazar, each attempting to twist reality to their own ends. And Rachel Weisz does a great job as twins Angela and Isabel. Although other reviews have faulted the casting, I personally can't. But then, I had no expectations of who would play whom in the first place, so maybe I'm that bit more open to suggestion.

Actually, on this point... I would just like to ask who could have played JC instead of Keanu? Tall blond Brits aren't ten a penny in Hollywood and I'm not sure that either Paul Bettany or Rhys Ifans could pull off the lead in a film like this. And Sting is too old. Mind you, this observation means nothing cos I'm crap at the casting game.

*** Warning: Potential Spoilers ***

The basic plot of Constantine is based on the graphic novel Dangerous Habits, in which JC discovers that he's going to die of lung cancer. Screenwriters Kevin Brodbin and Frank A. Cappello have taken various plot strands and scenes from Dangerous Habits and have then woven a different story around them. They may have taken aspects of other Hellblazer books, but I've not got all of them, so I'm not sure. However, having read Dangerous Habits last night, I have to admit that there's no way you could do a straight adaptation - it just wouldn't work on the big screen as it is. There's too much backstory required, too much exposition. I mean, JC hardly speaks at all, even in the comic - it's all exposition.

So instead of a clunky Hellblazer film, Brodbin and Cappello took Constantine, took his character, his universe, his mythos and they created something slightly new which, dare I say it, works better on film than Dangerous Habits would have. The ending, in particular, works better because it is clearer and requires less explanation, but even more devious bastardry than JC usually musters.

Of course, even if they can get past the dark-eyed mesmeric look of Keanu, the fanboys will find stuff to gripe about. JC uses a cruciform silver (elephant?) gun, for example, despite the fact that he never uses weaponry in the comics. There's a shoot-out, despite the fact that I don't recollect seeing JC in that sort of action clinch in the comics. But one key thing for me is that the weaponry and shoot-outs don't win the battles - it's JC's cunning and guile that ultimately save the day and that is exactly what happens in the comics.

My only criticism, after a first viewing, is that one doesn't isn't really shown the nature of JC's personality. He is someone who has been responsible for friends' deaths, but who remains unrepentant because he did what needed to be done. As Johnny says in the intro to Dangerous Habits:

I'm the one who steps from the shadows, all trenchcoat and cigarette and arrogance, ready to deal with the madness. Oh, I've got it all sewn up. I can save you, if it takes the last drop of your blood, I'll drive your demons away. I'll kick them in the bollocks and spit on them when they're down, and then I'll be gone back into the darkness, leaving only a nod and a wink and a wisecrack.

I walk my path alone.

Who would want to walk with me?

But that darkness, that loneliness, that guilt doesn't come across in the film as well as I would have liked. I understand, however, why they changed his backstory. The one they've created is far easier to explain, and it fits in perfectly with the rest of the plot, creating a nice synergy between JC and Angela, an depth of understanding that's required in order for his actions to be believable.

Maybe one of the reasons that I liked Constantine so much was because it reminded me so much of what I want my screenplay, Tag, to be. The atmosphere, the great CGI, the beautiful set design, the feeling that JC is really struggling to figure out what's going on. But mainly I think I love it because it took me away to a place I wanted to go, to somewhere on the boundaries of worlds where things exist that we weren't meant to see.

And the fact that as John Constantine, Keanu Reeves managed to be a crush of mine playing a crush of mine? Well, it didn't hurt.

Very awake.

Very, very awake.

But that's ok, cos then I get to watch the latest A-ha video, er, I mean, the trailer for A Scanner Darkly, and way cool it is too. It uses the rotoscope technique to turn live action into animation, so what you see is an uncomfortable cross between reality and unreality - exactly what a Philip K Dick adaptation needs, if you ask me. The animation also allows things to happen that otherwise couldn't without having to create realistic CGI effects, but I think that's just icing. The reason it was used was to create discord and surrealistic feelings. You really want to see beneath the animation to the live action that you know is below it, but you can't, and at every turn you think that maybe it's going to turn live-action in a second, but it doesn't, and that makes you feel sort of itchy and frustrated. Or maybe that's the caffeine I've been ingesting all day. Either way, it's a great trailer and I can't wait to see the film.

Dan went to a Shaun of the Dead signing with Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, and accidentally slipped into a fake British accent. But he doesn't say which one. Would have been impressive if he'd suddenly started speaking in Brum. Still, I'm not jealous that he now has a nice, signed poster because we all know what would happen if I went to a Simon Pegg signing.

Heh, and you all thought I'd forgotten about Mr Pegg. Shame on you.

Time has been short recently, for a variety of reasons, but finally a moment to blog.

Because of filming again on the weekend, i couldn't get to the Apple store opening on Saturday, but I did manage to get over that way on Monday, only to discover that it was full to overflowing. I really have this thing, this almost phobic dislike for shops that are that full, but I forced myself to go in and take at least a brief look round. Saw the new G5 iMac, which is just gorgeous. Looks far better in person than in pictures, if I'm honest.



I had hoped to get some new memory in my laptop at the Apple store, but it was not to be. As it happened, I was walking down New Oxford Street when I came across another Apple dealer, so popped into there to see how much some more memory would cost. Their prices were pretty good, and they could do it for me there and then, so I now have the grand total of 640mb RAM. I could get more, it's true, but this will suffice for now. Makes a big difference to how this tibook works, so I'm very happy.

Tuesday night I went to the Big Issue Film Festival screening because my mate Pete Devonald had written one of the films that made it through to the final. I have to say, most of the films that did were shite. Pete's was great, and not just because it was Pete's. Most of the stuff shown was worthy shit, with weak narratives, poor character arcs and tedious subject matter. It seems that subjects such as 'social issues' bring out the worst in most film makers. Pete's film, Beggar's Belief, was one of three that actually entertained as well as informed or communicated a message. The others were basically just wrist-slitting tedium.

Still always fun to sit about talking film with a bunch of like-minded scriptwriters. Makes me feel a little less like some weird, delusional nut.

Thursday night I was delighted to have dinner with Jimmy Wales, of Wikipedia fame. Really enjoyed talking with him - he has a fascinating perspective on a lot of things, not least of all wikis. Joi has been urging me to get more involved with the Welsh Wicipedia venture, and Jimmy's completed my conversion, so gonna try to find some spare moments to do stuff with it if I can.

So, this is my first weekend at 'home' in four weeks, and on Monday Svetlana and her boyfriend return from their holiday. I have to admit, I'm a bit sad - I've sort of settled in here rather nicely and have enjoyed my own space. I'll be staying in London til Christmas, then back to Dorset for the festive season, then back here for January at least.

Part of me is actually rather enjoying my current nomadic, rootless existence. I've been a bit all over the place this year, particularly the last few months, and yet somehow it seems more of a blessing than a curse. Maybe that's because of the contrast between the last few months and the last three years, much of which I spent stuck on my own in a maisonette in Reading with my nose plastered against my monitor. This current situation is infinitely better.

A while back Joey de Villa, aka AccordionGuy, asked me if I would like to be the proud owner of a Shaun of the Dead trucker's cap. Obviously I refused, having no interest in the film or the film makers or in owning a truckers cap at all whatsoever. Joey was, however, extraordinarily persistant and I crumbled in the face of his continual nagging.

As luck would have it, only a couple of weeks ago Tom nothisrealname Reynolds went over to Accordion City to take part in Joey's joint birthday and engagement to the lovely Wendy party. Whilst there, Joey pressed the trucker cap urgently into Tom's hand, forcing him to stash it in his luggage, smuggle it through Customs - who come down harshly upon anyone caught bringing zombie-related materials in to the UK - and pass it on to me.

I saw Tom on Saturday, at which time he nailed the aforementioned cap to my head, refusing to let me take it off at any juncture. Thusly coerced and littler than he is, I was forced to wear said cap much against my will and suffered great anxiety, trauma and anguish. There are photos, but they are at this precise point in time stuck on John's camera, so we'll all have to wait for titillating pics of a Suw in utmost distress.

Anyway, multitudinous thanks to Joey and Tom. You've made me even more of a fanboy than I was before, a feat I never thought possible. I shall be forever grateful. Or at least until next Thursday.

Before I start this post, I feel you need a bit of context. That context is that I am a wuss. A great big girl's blouse. Completely chicken. When I was a kid I would watch Dr Who from behind the sofa. And I'm not exaggerating. I refuse to watch any film or TV series which might be even remotely scary or have even the littlest bit of gore. I remember once being forced to watch an episode of Casualty at a friend's house and I had nightmares for weeks.

Ok, glad that's cleared up.

I ended up watching Shaun of the Dead because it was 'a romantic comedy with zombies' and the trailer had me fair near pissing my pants. Had it been billed 'a zombie movie with romantic comedy bits' I would have steered well clear.

I told Simon Pegg this last Friday as I stood there trying to think of something vaguely intelligent to say (and failing, before you ask). I also told him that SotD was my first ever zombie movie, to which he replied that I should really watch Dawn of the Dead.

So whilst I was in town today I picked up Dawn of the Dead at a bargain price and settled down for 127 minutes of zombie action.

You know, I don't know what I was expecting, but I wasn't expecting that. Firstly, the blood is luminous. I mean, it really glows. How am I supposed to be all frightened of luminous blood? Secondly, there are so many music and visual cues that have been ported over to SotD that I spent much of my time thinking 'Oh! That's that bit! And that's that music! And oh, look! He's like Ed and he's like Shaun...'. I probably overdid it a bit and saw references that aren't there, but still, I now understand SotD a lot better.

I must admit, I did rather enjoy it. It does drag a wee bit, but most surprisingly I found myself saying things like 'Oh come on! Hit 'im! Go on! Shoot 'im! Ooooh for fuck's sake get on with it!', and actually being disappointed at the slow push of a screwdriver into the brain, rather than the rather more spectacular thrust-and-squirt that one would expect these days.

*cough*

I guess the crappy make-up and effects are to be expected of a 1978 vintage, and I would bet that the remake improves both quite significantly. But then, DotD isn't really a zombie film at all but a satire on modern consumerism and as such, it's as valid now as it was then. Sadly.

OK, crappy photo, but it was a dimly lit auditorium and I wasn't exactly right under their noses. There was someone there taking proper photos, so maybe they will appear on the ScriptFactory's site or somewhere.