...Is a house that's far enough away from our neighbours that if I choose to play Duran Duran really loudly, I know I won't disturb them. And if they decide to play Peruvian pan pipe music at absurd hours of the day, they'll be far enough away that I won't hear them. Nor will I hear my neighbour's alarm clock going off. Nor will I hear them flush their loo in the middle of the night. I particularly won't hear them having a party until 3am, and I won't hear their late night arguments. There'll be no thumping bass, and no smell of cigarettes wafting up the communal staircase.

I want a house far enough away from a main road that our kitties will be safe. They'll have room to roam, and I won't need to worry about them getting hit by fast moving lumps of metal piloted by idiots. I won't be treated to the sight of three car pile-ups, however minor, in front of my house because there will never be three cars in front of my house, unless they are parked at my behest. Sirens will be unheard of, as will the screech of brakes and the honking of horns.

I want enough room that the place where i sit and work is not the same as the place where I allegedly attempt to sit and relax. And a sofa which is actually comfy would be nice.

I'd also like a view which isn't a) a road and b) Arsenal Stadium. It doesn't matter that the tree out front slightly obscures the stadium - I can still hear them cheer when Arsenal scores. The tube station is still 'exit only' when they are playing, and there are still a gazillion Gunners fans flooding the streets after each match.

And I'd like all this to be bought without me having to bankrupt myself.

... I guess that's a move to the States then.